Useless England vs Sucking USA


I have a weakness of a soft spot for awful England. I grew up watching the English game and as such, I would easily coach the team even by remote.  The bias enjoys my support because they are all over my space day in and day out. The United States of America are well-known as a basketball nation, with American football and ice hockey enjoying a very good following.

For starters, I will support England because the Americans call the beautiful game, “sucker”. No wonder their MLS sucks. Then they play FOOTball with their hands. Daaa! How crooked is that, I mean, really?

USA have players I admire though. Their entire generation of goalkeepers always appealed to me. They do a very good job. In Everton’s Tim Howard, they are solid enough, as Rooney and Crouch will tell you. Anyewu will be very solid for US. His match fitness may let him down, having not seen much action last season due to injury. You will remember he has offered to play for his team AC Milan for free next season.

The usual USA engineers will be Fulham’s Dempsey and Everton’s Donovan. Donovan will have to harm England on the pitch after the ‘stingy Beckam’ row at their club, LA Galaxy. It would have been nice to have Altadore and Adu, but i don’t want them to win anyway.

England is one team I would love to coach very soon, this particular generation. They are so useless I can teach them so much. If you have the gangling and awkward Peter Crouch who heads the ball well, you must have Ashley Young and Lennon on each flank. Wayne Rooney will be running around Crouch seeking to pick up dropped balls. Lennon and Young are not very good crossers of the ball. They love running at defenders, but that element of Crouch is one that cones once in a blue moon. Lampard and Gerrard are the usual sell-out for the English. I hope Bradley, the US coach has enough jerseys to give to these two.

 The best of the English is the defence, including goalkeeper David James. With John Terry and Dawson, they look solid and combative. Glen Johnson and Ashley Cole will give them the attacking options to deliver crosses. The problem is that they have to overtake Joe Cole and Aaron Lennon first. This means England have two players on each wing to perform a single task. This is complete wastage of manpower. They might as well field 9 players to save the referee the trouble of dealing with so many untalented people.

While I would expect some exciting moments in this game, I am suspicious George Bush has pushed Obama from the White House for a moment to connive with Tony Blair who is having tea at No. 10 Downing Street, to present us with the dullest match of the century. They may want to play until the Afghan war is over.

What is your take on the game?

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By Tse Posted in Uncategorized

2 comments on “Useless England vs Sucking USA

    • Bekezela, I hope they will deliver, because, as I said, I have always loved them, and they never failed to disappoint me. Is this the day? I pray it is.

      Tell me, what will make it different today?

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